Birthdays and goodbyes: The legacy of a mother

While we’ve been talking about funeral arrangements and family memories, I’ve also been secretly wrapping Barbie dolls and planning birthday cake. One moment I’m helping my husband process losing his mother, and the next I’m realizing my little girl is somehow turning 10 years old.

It’s hard not to feel the passage of time in moments like this. You suddenly see the full arc of things. Mothers raising children, then those children becoming parents themselves. Generations stacking quietly on top of each other like pages in a book.

My husband’s mom, Bessie, raised four children and later helped raise grandchildren too. Her story was one that so many families recognize. She built a life, worked hard, raised her kids, and created the foundation the next generation stands on.

The thing about mothers is that they rarely see the full ripple effect of what they’ve built. They just keep showing up making dinner, folding laundry, offering advice and loving their kids the best way they know how. Over time those ordinary moments become something bigger. Those moments become a legacy.

Now, as our daughter approaches 10, I can’t help but think about all the mothers who came before me. My own mom, who passed away in 2020. My mother-in-law who we are saying goodbye to now. The women who did the work long before it was my turn.

They built families that are still growing.

They may not have realized it at the time, but the small daily choices they made, the love, the discipline, the encouragement — shaped generations. Now it’s our turn to do the same.

That’s the strange beauty of life moving forward even while we grieve. A birthday cake gets baked while funeral plans are made. Children laugh while adults wipe away tears. Both things can exist at the same time. Birthdays and goodbyes. Endings and beginnings.

This week our family is holding both in our hands at once. Maybe that’s the truth of motherhood and family, we spend our lives standing in the middle of those moments, holding the past and the future at the same time hoping we’re building something strong enough to last.

So this week we will do our best to embrace both. Happy 10th birthday to my sweet Jasmine, and rest peacefully, Bessie Chandler. Your love lives on in all of us.